It's a new day

A new day is worth having fun and relaxing. My days are not so pretty. I'm stuck at home, I lost the privilege to go out. All I do is watch episodes on MTV or write. My life isn't as pretty as they expect it to be. Most people are lucky to have what they have. But instead of staying humble they want more. And they take advantage of it. I use to have the opportunity to go out and shop and be happy. But since now as I get older, I don't have that kind of opportunity. I want to dress like I'm older and act and be mature. But I'm not even 13 yet and I want to be an adult I want to be in a relationship. I want to do so many things.

But I can't do most of the things I want to do. I can't hang out with friends. I can't go to some one's house unless my parents know their parents. It's annoying and I'm restricted to do many things. My days are a rude awakening of how real life is. I get into fights with my mom about everything. I have to honestly say I have the crabbiest moods ever. I've lost their trust. It's so hard to gain it back. It's like what ever said goes.

I know they look out for me in so many ways. Like since I was little they tell me don't get a boyfriend. And I always said boys are yucky or they're this and that. But I was young and unaware I would be forced into later. So of course, I have many crushes on guys. And I wanted to pursue them. But I was ALWAYS self conscious. I never thought I was good enough for someone or the person I had was too good for me. Until now I feel that way.

I've had only 2 real boyfriend in my life. Let's call him, "Ryan." Ryan was a good guy. I didn't know him. I just barely found out the recent guy had done something way out of line. It hurt me so bad. I didn't know what to do. I was new to this relationship stuff. My "friends" at the time didn't care about me. They left me, like what my parents have been telling me my WHOLE life. I wasn't ready for fake friends. My friend had told me his was pursuing me. I didn't know what to say. It was hard to bounce back. Ryan was the rebound guy. What I felt for him was both love and lust.

The 2nd guy, we'll call him "Shawn." Shawn was the guy I wanted. Everything I could ever have. Ever quality I wanted in a guy. Looks, hair, personality, and atheleticism. He was everything. Almost everything we had was in common. He was the guy no one expected for me to like. I got the ews and yucks from everyone. I felt ashamed but I kept it a secret. I fell for him 2 weeks after Ryan. I know I suck.

But even though Ryan was a good guy, Shawn was better. I say I'm a bad girlfriend, I don't show enough appreciation. I'm too needy and they are too good for me. I'm a young child wanting to be older. The media has exposed everyone at my age they can be as beautiful. It's sad how people want to grow up too quickly but when they are finally older they want to stop. I think the reason why people get pregnant these days is because of how older people dress. They show us that they are beautiful but WAYYY older than us. I have to agree it has gotten to me.

Girls my age try wayy to hard to be look prettier when it's not working. All they want to do is show ALOT of clevage and such. it's disgusting and replusive. I use to be like that. I wanted that kind of attention. But I realized I didn't need that because what people my age thought was pretty was shameful and disgusting to older people. I listen to elders because they are much wiser. They always have something to say. When older people say stuff that's postive it makes me want to be older.

A new day isn't about complaining what we have or don't have. It's about being happy and feeling proud. A new day is about being ourselves not what someone else or what we are exposed to wants.

So my thoughts and feelings have been explained for a day. Tomorrow I'd write about love and lust. And what are my thought about it.

Love,
Abby