So I've been awfully busy, I'm only keeping this blogspot thing, because I have all the old ideas :DDD
I now have tumblr, but I don't use that much either xDD
Friday, October 23, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
So lately,
I've been a little down, this whole week I've been putting on smiles. Some were real others weren't. I have a few people who help me out, per se Kathy, Martin, etc. Times are rough, love sucks and so does everything else. I'm waiting to go to Six Flags. For the record I've never been to Six Flags, and my dad got me mad and worked up. I'm so excited that I won't let anything get in my way. My cousin Josh is also excited, but we're stuck home. My dad says he can get us there before 12, and like I always say, "That's what she said."
Since Friday I've been daydreaming and crying. Crying because of all the sad music that reminds me of him. And I've been dreaming of seeing him again. I can't live a life when I'm always miserable. I told you, I'm a good actress. I will keep this blog short, I have nothing else to say. Because I can't do this type of life anymore.
No I don't mean suicide, I just need to figure out another solution to get out of this mess I'm in. I dug a hole wayy too deep in the ground and I can't keep out. I'm stuck at another fork in the road. My life isn't a fairytale. Only I wish it was.
Since Friday I've been daydreaming and crying. Crying because of all the sad music that reminds me of him. And I've been dreaming of seeing him again. I can't live a life when I'm always miserable. I told you, I'm a good actress. I will keep this blog short, I have nothing else to say. Because I can't do this type of life anymore.
No I don't mean suicide, I just need to figure out another solution to get out of this mess I'm in. I dug a hole wayy too deep in the ground and I can't keep out. I'm stuck at another fork in the road. My life isn't a fairytale. Only I wish it was.
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Lovely, right?
I'm young, I can't tell the difference between anything anymore. Especially the difference between love and lust. I've had only 2 boyfriend in my life. But I have flirted with guys and got hung up on the them. The guy I flirted and had my hopes up for had destroyed me. I sat at home crying and crying and crying. He had a new girlfriend. It made me rethink guys. And how I didn't need them. We'll call him, um, Danny. I had a crush on Danny my 6th grade year ever since he showed up. My type was usually a guy with long hair and skates. Danny made me happy over the summer. I didn't have enough confidence growing up. So when I talked to Danny he made me have something to look forward to the next day.
Danny had flirted with a bunch of my friends. Some which I lost contact with and on purpose or just drifted apart. Right after I found out Danny had a new girlfriend which was my friend's sister. Apart of my innocence died. The day before he kissed me. And growing up with so many rules and not having boyfriends, it was different. I had my first kiss. Of course I was excited because it was my first kiss. But my world shattered that weekend. I spent the day crying inside my bedroom. Moping around, all because I fell for a guy who didn't like me back. Looking back I still feel like shit.
But a bunch of people found out, and Ryan wanted me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. It didn't last long. I broke up with him because for the sake of my mom. My mom would spend days awake and crying because of what I did. When I sent him that msg saying it was over. It tore me once again. We got back together and broke up. And then became friends with benefits. I didn't want it, but I was so attached to Ryan. I just couldn't let go. This is my diary, to expose what happened on my behalf. I was young looked at so many people had disgusting, exposing ALOT, and just down right ugly. I had pictures like that where I pursed my lips and showed some cleavage. I lost my innocence. I admit it, I wish it didn't happen
I was young now I look at it I really was stupid. I moved on and still had temporary feelings for Danny and Ryan at times. But I moved on. And I had a HUGE crush on Shawn for a long time since November. I fell hard for someone that didn't even know I existed. I'd dream about him liking me. And that life was going to be magical. But that February, I had gotten enough courage to talk to him. To ask him what's his name. I was so nervous. To the level that I wanted to cry. Every tough person has a soft side to them.
When Shawn and I had gotten together on April 20. I was the happiest person alive. He's everything I could ever want. He was more. I didn't ever want to lose I had with him. He's special to me. In the end Danny and I stayed friends and I like it that way. He's funny I can't help being friendly, we don't talk much now because he has his life and I have mine. Ryan and I are like brother and sister. I can tell him ANYTHING. I love him, but not like that anymore. The history with Shawn and I is still being written.
Things can change by tomorrow, who knows. I don't know what to expect. But I for I know one thing, is that I know nothing.
Love,
Abby
P.S. Check out zomgkathy.blogspot.com She's writing about the same topics as I am. And you have a look into her life too.
Danny had flirted with a bunch of my friends. Some which I lost contact with and on purpose or just drifted apart. Right after I found out Danny had a new girlfriend which was my friend's sister. Apart of my innocence died. The day before he kissed me. And growing up with so many rules and not having boyfriends, it was different. I had my first kiss. Of course I was excited because it was my first kiss. But my world shattered that weekend. I spent the day crying inside my bedroom. Moping around, all because I fell for a guy who didn't like me back. Looking back I still feel like shit.
But a bunch of people found out, and Ryan wanted me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. It didn't last long. I broke up with him because for the sake of my mom. My mom would spend days awake and crying because of what I did. When I sent him that msg saying it was over. It tore me once again. We got back together and broke up. And then became friends with benefits. I didn't want it, but I was so attached to Ryan. I just couldn't let go. This is my diary, to expose what happened on my behalf. I was young looked at so many people had disgusting, exposing ALOT, and just down right ugly. I had pictures like that where I pursed my lips and showed some cleavage. I lost my innocence. I admit it, I wish it didn't happen
I was young now I look at it I really was stupid. I moved on and still had temporary feelings for Danny and Ryan at times. But I moved on. And I had a HUGE crush on Shawn for a long time since November. I fell hard for someone that didn't even know I existed. I'd dream about him liking me. And that life was going to be magical. But that February, I had gotten enough courage to talk to him. To ask him what's his name. I was so nervous. To the level that I wanted to cry. Every tough person has a soft side to them.
When Shawn and I had gotten together on April 20. I was the happiest person alive. He's everything I could ever want. He was more. I didn't ever want to lose I had with him. He's special to me. In the end Danny and I stayed friends and I like it that way. He's funny I can't help being friendly, we don't talk much now because he has his life and I have mine. Ryan and I are like brother and sister. I can tell him ANYTHING. I love him, but not like that anymore. The history with Shawn and I is still being written.
Things can change by tomorrow, who knows. I don't know what to expect. But I for I know one thing, is that I know nothing.
Love,
Abby
P.S. Check out zomgkathy.blogspot.com She's writing about the same topics as I am. And you have a look into her life too.
Love or Lust?
So this time I'm going to stop ranting. So I'll be talking about the difference between love and lust. Lust is a desire of something or someone. Love must be the real thing. Something that can never die. It's honestly a beautiful thing. I wish I had something like that. Nowadays most music that's mellow or relaxing like Stephen Jerzak or NSN is based around or about love. When people have an open mind and let the lyrics fill your head you see what's real or isn't real. It gives people a piece of mind. Some people can't believe they are falling in love. Right now I can't tell the difference between love or lust. Not just because I'm young but I'm inexperienced.
Lust is the desire of wanting someone. You think it's love but when you look at it, you're in denial. Probably you're significant other can sense it too. But if you have so much history why break up and say it was a waste of time. Some people get that opportunity when they are with someone. But don't take it. They regret it. I'm not saying that has happened to me. But I've seen couples crash and burn it's depressing to see them pick up the pieces all alone.
When you're young that's puppy love, you won't end up together in the future. Trust me it'll take some kind of miracle for that to actually happen. If you want someone and don't want to end up hurt. Don't be in a relationship at all. Just wait, don't rush. Stay happy, you're better off that way.
For people that are in relationships and dealing with a long distance relationship. It takes alot of courage and strength to let go and deal with not seeing them often. Trust me I'd know. There's always something in the back of your mind saying, "How can I trust them?" Well here's your answer. Love or lust has a strong bond in it. You can hang in there for a while but soon you'll have to let go. Saying, it's time to move on.
You get me?
Lust is the desire of wanting someone. You think it's love but when you look at it, you're in denial. Probably you're significant other can sense it too. But if you have so much history why break up and say it was a waste of time. Some people get that opportunity when they are with someone. But don't take it. They regret it. I'm not saying that has happened to me. But I've seen couples crash and burn it's depressing to see them pick up the pieces all alone.
When you're young that's puppy love, you won't end up together in the future. Trust me it'll take some kind of miracle for that to actually happen. If you want someone and don't want to end up hurt. Don't be in a relationship at all. Just wait, don't rush. Stay happy, you're better off that way.
For people that are in relationships and dealing with a long distance relationship. It takes alot of courage and strength to let go and deal with not seeing them often. Trust me I'd know. There's always something in the back of your mind saying, "How can I trust them?" Well here's your answer. Love or lust has a strong bond in it. You can hang in there for a while but soon you'll have to let go. Saying, it's time to move on.
You get me?
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