Lovely, right?

I'm young, I can't tell the difference between anything anymore. Especially the difference between love and lust. I've had only 2 boyfriend in my life. But I have flirted with guys and got hung up on the them. The guy I flirted and had my hopes up for had destroyed me. I sat at home crying and crying and crying. He had a new girlfriend. It made me rethink guys. And how I didn't need them. We'll call him, um, Danny. I had a crush on Danny my 6th grade year ever since he showed up. My type was usually a guy with long hair and skates. Danny made me happy over the summer. I didn't have enough confidence growing up. So when I talked to Danny he made me have something to look forward to the next day.

Danny had flirted with a bunch of my friends. Some which I lost contact with and on purpose or just drifted apart. Right after I found out Danny had a new girlfriend which was my friend's sister. Apart of my innocence died. The day before he kissed me. And growing up with so many rules and not having boyfriends, it was different. I had my first kiss. Of course I was excited because it was my first kiss. But my world shattered that weekend. I spent the day crying inside my bedroom. Moping around, all because I fell for a guy who didn't like me back. Looking back I still feel like shit.

But a bunch of people found out, and Ryan wanted me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. It didn't last long. I broke up with him because for the sake of my mom. My mom would spend days awake and crying because of what I did. When I sent him that msg saying it was over. It tore me once again. We got back together and broke up. And then became friends with benefits. I didn't want it, but I was so attached to Ryan. I just couldn't let go. This is my diary, to expose what happened on my behalf. I was young looked at so many people had disgusting, exposing ALOT, and just down right ugly. I had pictures like that where I pursed my lips and showed some cleavage. I lost my innocence. I admit it, I wish it didn't happen

I was young now I look at it I really was stupid. I moved on and still had temporary feelings for Danny and Ryan at times. But I moved on. And I had a HUGE crush on Shawn for a long time since November. I fell hard for someone that didn't even know I existed. I'd dream about him liking me. And that life was going to be magical. But that February, I had gotten enough courage to talk to him. To ask him what's his name. I was so nervous. To the level that I wanted to cry. Every tough person has a soft side to them.

When Shawn and I had gotten together on April 20. I was the happiest person alive. He's everything I could ever want. He was more. I didn't ever want to lose I had with him. He's special to me. In the end Danny and I stayed friends and I like it that way. He's funny I can't help being friendly, we don't talk much now because he has his life and I have mine. Ryan and I are like brother and sister. I can tell him ANYTHING. I love him, but not like that anymore. The history with Shawn and I is still being written.

Things can change by tomorrow, who knows. I don't know what to expect. But I for I know one thing, is that I know nothing.

Love,
Abby

P.S. Check out zomgkathy.blogspot.com She's writing about the same topics as I am. And you have a look into her life too.